Benjamin Cole

year: Freshman

Hometown: Newton, MA

Past Teams: Newton north

In a galaxy far away, an alien race faced annihilation. These peoples, who called themselves “the Kronklords,” could only watch as their dying sun imploded into a black hole. But before the planet was sucked into the aforementioned hole of blackness, the Kronklords placed a single baby into their only rocketship, launching it into space in hopes that it would survive on another distant planet.

Indeed, this Kronk baby survived, and crash landed in Peru, on a planet called Earth. There, an old witch named Yzma discovered him and raised him as her own. She named him Pedro, because that was a trendy name in Peru at the time, and he grew into a mighty young man. There, he worked as her sidekick, and had adventures that would later be reimagined by Walt Disney in the blockbuster hit “The Emperor’s New Groove.” Pedro’s name was coincidentally changed to Kronk in the movie and he was given an extra 6 inches of height, but I’m sure he doesn’t mind.

However, Yzma never could have predicted that Pedro would be taken from her. Two Jews, on vacation from Newton, Massachussetts, found Pedro and decided he would look good in a yarmulke, so they robbed him from Yzma, brainwashed him and wiped his memory. Then they gave him the moderately lame name of “Benjamin Cole.”

Benjamin, or “Benji” as he is affectionately known, became infamous amongst his friends for what they thought were obscenely large pectorals (but which are in fact Kronklordian subdermal military-grade detachable mines). Benji discovered the mighty frisbee, which reminded him of the shape of the earth he saw when he crash landed here as a baby, and even returned to his birthplace of South America over his gap year. Today, Benji (aka Pedro (aka Kronk)) can be found in the gymnasium performing mighty feats of abdominal strength or swimming ability, which would have made his birth parents, Kronk Sr. and Kronkelda, proud.