Samson Bienstock

Year: Freshman

nickname: BeanStalk, Miami Dolphins #1 Fan

hometown: Miami, FL

past teams: Ransom Everglades…Lacrosse?

Samson Bienstock spent most of his life blissfully ignorant of frisbee. Growing up he was a good Jew, meaning he lived in Montreal and ate bagels every day. But soon he got a cold, so logically his family decided to move to Miami. Samson, now five years young, tragically tripped on a manatee while swimming. Samson was luckily rescued by Arnold Schwarzenegger, who rushed him to the nearest Gold’s Gym. Samson woke up 6 months later on the bench press, with what the doctors called “The Gym Rat Savant Syndrome.” This was a chronic condition that would continue to plague Samson Bienstock throughout elementary school. By Middle School, Samson was already benching 200 lbs and squatting your dad, mom and siblings. However, Samson was not satisfied with just gaining mass, and he looked for an outlet to express his mass. The obvious choice was lacrosse. 

By just the seventh grade, Samson had body-checked everyone in Florida. Entering high school, Samson was destined for lacrosse greatness. Unfortunately for Samson, he fell in love with a girl by the name of Mary J. who quickly stole his heart with her unbelievably good looks and dope personality. As Samson would say “she’s a real OG”, whatever that means. The problem with Mary was that she did not like lacrosse. As such, the more lacrosse he played the more upset she became, and when it came time for choosing a college, Samson was persuaded to deny all of his D1 lacrosse scholarships, and instead pursue his academic pursuits, at the best college in the greater Medford Somerville area, Tufts. 

Without telling Mary, he tried out for the lacrosse team here. And to the surprise of no one, he was the best player on the team by day 2 of tryouts. But after a mere three weeks of playing lacrosse, Mary J. found out. Threatening to end their relationship, Mary was able to convince Samson to quit lacrosse. 

Samson, unhappy with his inability to body check people, looked for a new athletic pursuit. The choice was clear, frisbee. Not only was Samson enthralled by the idea of chasing a plastic disc like a dog, but also he knew Mary loved frisbee. Once Samson annihilated his tryouts with his signature “layout into the back” defensive technique, he was a lock for the team. 

Today, Samson can be found routinely making love with his sweet girlfriend, Mary and spares no expense on her *cough cough* illadelph *cough cough*. On the field, he continues to impress the frisbee community with his inability to learn how a stack works, while simultaneously shutting down players the likes of John Randolph, Joe White, etc… 

In short, imagine your calf is a person. That person is Samson.